I don't know why God won't allow me to stay pregnant, but I don't doubt He is able. Today I am holding on knowing that my help and strength come from the maker of Heaven and earth. I am even more thankful (not that I wasn't) for Jackson's precious life. I will honor the 2 babies I have lost by being the best mommy I can be to Jackson!
"Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me." Psalm 54:4
*The following is a timeline of events I was keeping to go with this pregnancy. I am going to post for myself, since this is my journal and I turn them into a book.*
Friday, June 22nd- Before I went to bed felt something I never did before. I felt like I was filled with the Holy Spirit and was completely surrounded by God. That night I had a dream I was pregnant after going to a fertility doctor.
Saturday, June 23rd- Woke up, took a test, laid back in bed, and waited for Brian to break the news to me. "Slap it high!" That's what he said to me when he came out of the bathroom. I said "Are you joking me?"
No joke, here is the proof!
Brian played some worship songs and we thanked our God!
I emailed my doctor and just was part of her response. Love her!
We celebrated by going out to Chuy's!
Remember this picture?
Sweet note Brian left for Jackson and me before he went to work:)
Monday, June 25th- Went to my doctor's office to have blood drawn to check my progesterone levels.
Jackson and I got to have lunch with Daddy again!
Tuesday, June 26th- Dr. Miller called to let me know pregnancy hormone and progesterone numbers came back great! Praise God!
Wednesday, June 27th- During my quiet time, I read my devotional for the day. Its main focus was that God never wastes our pain and the scripture they referenced was 2 Corinthians 12. Especially 12:9, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
Which is the exact verse Brian texted me the day I found out I did have a miscarriage and would need a D&C. The Lord has brought us full circle and used this verse to help me time and time again.
We will never know why it took us over a year to get pregnant, but I do know that God is stronger and able to more than we can imagine. I got pregnant exactly 4 years after Jackson without needing fertility drugs. I will forever boast about my weaknesses and His great name!
Sunday, July 1st- Started spotting. Praying for God's protection on this precious little one's life and peace for me.
Monday, July 2nd- Went for a repeat of blood work- not feeling good about all the spotting. Praying for a miracle once again.
Tuesday, July 3rd- Found out all my numbers dropped big time, another miscarriage. I am devastated and sad beyond words. Jackson was so excited for a baby brother or sister and well, me too! Everything seemed perfect. No spotting at all the first week and strong numbers after my first blood work. I know God loves me and His ways are best, but believe me this is tough even if it was still early and my 2nd one in a year. I know it is not true, but I feel like I am doing something wrong. Jackson is a great source of encouragement; rubbing my back, telling me he loves me, giving me kisses, asking if I need a Kleenex.